


one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright)

by intimatopia



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Cunnilingus, Genderqueer Character, Multi, Oral Sex, Thor loves Loki but Loki is too dumb and traumatised to see it, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, confusing narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 05:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16591613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intimatopia/pseuds/intimatopia
Summary: Some lessons, Lokihasto learn for himself. Like how to ask for things, and how to receive them.





	one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Nobody by Mitski. Originally written on my [tumblr](https://thorkily.tumblr.com). If you have any questions, or think I should add any tags, feel free to lmk here or there.

**_i._ **

They don’t kiss. Loki used to mind, but he can’t mind anything right now, not with Thor’s cock buried deep in him, like it’s making room for itself inside Loki, changing the shape of him.

Thor snarls when Loki clenches down on his cock, hands gripping bruises into Loki’s waist. Loki wants to beg, wants Thor to touch him properly, but he doesn’t have words right now. He’s too overwhelmed to even think. “Please,” he gasps out. “Brother, please. I want—”

“You’ll take what I give you,” Thor growls.

Loki nods. Aches. His cunt feels sore from how often they’ve fucked in the past few days, hours. How often he’s climbed over Thor and lined himself up to his dick, always letting Thor come inside him. Afterwards Thor will trace over Loki’s skin and the scars he can’t manage to heal and that he’s too tired to hide. Play with Loki’s twitching cunt, rub his fingers against the walls and lift them to Loki’s mouth so that he may clean them up. It’s almost tender. Almost loving.

Right now, it’s anything but. Right now Thor is every bit a storm god, taking what he wants without really caring about what he can give in return, and Loki likes it, loves it, but he would still give anything for this to be kinder. For Thor to—just once—kiss him.

He cries out when he feels Thor pulse in him, his thrusts losing rhythm. Moans when Thor pulls out of him, even though he’s still hot and achingly needy. “Please,” he says again. “Please—I know you said I should just—just take it, but—”

“Of course,” Thor says roughly. He cups his hand over Loki’s cunt, making him whine. “Can you come like this?”

“Can I,” Loki gasps, but of course he can. He can do whatever Thor wants him to, even if it’s dirty, and humiliating, and  _ this _ . He grinds into Thor’s hands for only minutes before he’s shaking apart into them.

“Good boy,” Thor whispers. Loki closes his eyes, too tired to move. The praise is far too much for him to bear.

Thor cleans them both up, gathers Loki against him, lets him catch his breath against Thor’s chest.

He’s asleep before he can feel Thor press his lips into Loki’s hair.

 

***** 

 

**_ii._ **

Thor fisted his hands in Loki’s hair. It had grown long during their journey, and fell nearly to the middle of his back in curling waves, and Thor loved the way Loki’s eyes got too-bright and hazy when he pulled at the locks. “Suck,” he ordered, keeping his voice steady even as he guided Loki’s slack mouth to Thor’s cock.

Loki licked his lips. His eyes darted up to Thor’s, before flicking back down. If Thor didn’t know him so well he’d say that Loki was scared, or that he didn’t want it. But Thor knew well that Loki was scared of how badly he wanted this, and the only way out of that was to give Loki what he wanted anyway. Not all of it, though. Some things, Loki needed to learn to ask for.

Thor pushed Loki down on his cock when he hesitated too long, nearly groaning at the wet heat of his younger brother’s mouth. “That’s good,” he murmured. “Just like that.” Loki moaned, trying to go deeper, take more of him in. Thor let him, let Loki drool and choke on his cock. He loved his brother like this and always had, when he was too needy to think about shame or propriety. And Loki did care about those things, no matter what their father or anybody else thought. But when he let go— _ fuck _ .

Thor wondered when, or if, Loki would get shameless enough to beg to come. Some days that didn’t happen. Some days Loki was content to satisfy Thor and didn’t ask for anything in return, and other days he flinched away when Thor tried to touch him there. Thor had learned to wait it out, to let Loki’s unintentional responses guide him.

And then Loki swallowed around his cock, and all thought fled Thor’s mind except the sensation and heat of Loki’s mouth, his perfect throat bobbing as he swallowed down over and over. Thor growled, pulling Loki’s hair back, pulling him off. Loki made a desperate sound. His mouth was wet-red and open, slick. Thor wondered if this was also what his cunt looked like right now. “shh,” he said. “here, let me.”

Loki blinked as Thor began to jerk off. He looked dazed and out of it, making Thor glad he’d pulled out. Loki was too out of it to really care about his own safety. He shut his eyes when Thor came in streaks of white against his flushed skin, lips parted to catch the drops that fell on his tongue. “That’s right,” Thor said. “Take it, baby.”

Loki sucked gratefully at Thor’s fingers when he held them to Loki’s mouth, pretty and deliciously messed up.

“Can you,” Loki said softly, and then stopped. It was the first thing he’d said all night—he’d already been on his knees when Thor came into the room.

“Can I what, love?”

“I don’t know,” Loki said. He had to be awfully gone to admit that. Thor pulled him up onto the bed, stroking his damp hair and skin. He wanted to press his lips to Loki’s, to reassure him, but he also wanted Loki to ask for that. With his words.

“Will you tell me when you do?” Thor asked.

Loki leaned into him. He did not reply.

 

*****

**_iii._ **

Loki looked at himself in the mirror and hated everything he saw.

It hadn’t always been like this. Once, Thor had almost managed to convince him he was beautiful, even with the way his body shifted and changed, even with his small breasts and cock, his cunt. Thor had loved all of him. It terrified him to think that that was in the past.

Oh, Thor still touched him. Still ran his hands over Loki’s skin. But it wasn’t the same at all. It was like Thor just saw his body as something to be used for pleasure, and that scared Loki. It scared him because he wanted it, trusted his brother despite everything he’d been through, and being something that Thor could use and discard at any time was simultaneously horrifying and enticing. He  _ wanted _ to give in to Thor, wanted to be just a warm body. Maybe if he was that and nothing more, people wouldn’t be able to hurt him any longer.

He didn’t think about En Dwi, or Merdunor, or all the other creatures that had had their way with him like  _ that _ . They were in the past, and didn’t matter any longer. Their claims on him were null. He was safe.

So why couldn’t he trust that?

He jerked when he heard the door open behind him, heart pounding. It was Thor, it had to be Thor. Nobody else could get into the room they shared.

He had no time to cast an illusion on himself before Thor was there, behind him. He looked—like himself, fuck. Golden, godly, irritatingly handsome. Loki felt pathetic before him. Naked and—and used. Discarded. His mind flashed to the things he’d wanted, just minutes back, and flushed with shame.

“Are you alright?” Thor asked. He placed his hands gently on Loki’s waist. Loki leaned into his warmth without meaning to, grateful.

“Of course,” Loki scoffed, but it sounded hollow even to him.

“Hmm,” Thor agreed, pressing his mouth to Loki’s neck. It wasn’t a kiss—Loki knew well what it felt like when Thor kissed him, and this wasn’t that. “I think you’re very pretty.”

“Who cares what  _ you _ think?” Loki snapped. Thor’s hands were moving carefully up his body, sliding over his scarred stomach and ribs to cup his breasts, and it was making him feel horribly exposed. Thor, of course, was utterly unaffected.

“ _ You _ do,” he grinned. Loki huffed, but it was working—there was a smile tugging at his lips.

“Stop,” Loki said half-heartedly. But Thor was warm and solid behind him and he was so, so safe, and Loki wanted him all the time.

 

*****

 

**_iv._ **

“Wear the dress,” Thor suggested idly. He was lazing on the bed while Loki poked through the dresser for something to wear. They had a diplomatic meeting today with the Ambassadorial of Trenjakor, and of course they had no way of knowing that Loki was supposed to be a man. He could wear a dress.

Then he shook his head. “I don’t have a dress,” he told Thor. “What’re you talking about?”

“Check the top shelf,” Thor said, voice brimming with mischief.

Loki swallowed. He didn’t think Thor was making fun of him, but he couldn’t be sure. Not anymore. But he checked the top shelf anyway, finding a parcel wrapped in ryecloth and tied with string.

He knew what it had to be, but he couldn’t suppress the curiosity and excitement as he made his way to the bed. Thor made room for him, watching him as he undid the strings.

He gasped when he saw what it was. He could not imagine when or how Thor could have saved something so beautiful from the ruins of Asgard. It was one of their mother’s dresses, a shimmering blue gown with golden vines curling over the chest to meet his collarbones. The soft blue folds would not go below his ankles—he was far too tall, and he hated that about himself. But the dress—it was far too precious for words.

And then he began to cry, quite unexpectedly and helplessly. He missed it so much, all of Asgard and his mother and tutors, the gardens and libraries. All gone, because of him. Due to  _ his  _ actions.

Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, allowing him space and safety to cry, but Loki could not bear Thor’s kindness right now. He wanted Thor to rage at him, to blame him and take it out on his body. And he wanted Thor to love him, even as he knew he did not deserve it. He jerked out of reach and stalked away to change, ignoring how each step felt like it was driving splinters into the most tender parts of him.

He dressed himself carefully all the same, more out of care for the dress than himself. He did his own makeup with similar care—it had been a long while since Frigga had taught him how, and longer still since he had allowed himself the luxury. It was strange to be revisiting this now, on a refugee ship in the middle of a crisis. He did not deserve it at all. And yet he was too selfish to refuse these gifts, the physical proof of Thor’s continued care for him.

Surprisingly, the dress swept the floor as he walked out of the small dressing room. He looked up, intending to ask Thor how it was possible, but his breath caught in his throat.

Thor was dressed in his warrior’s clothes, the more ceremonial, ornate set. Not much had survived Asgard, but quite a lot had. Most of the royal library, the seed banks, the dresses. And, it seemed, this.

Thor was beautiful. And Loki knew that that was an exceptionally insipid thought to be having about his brother—of course Thor was beautiful, but right now he looked every inch the god and king he was always meant to be. The clothes were dark and simple but for the sigils stitched into the cloth that threw light when he shifted, and the cut of the clothes emphasized his lean muscles and strong lines. Loki’s mouth felt dry.

He was so caught up staring at Thor, he did not notice that Thor too was staring at him, until he strode forward, shoving Loki roughly into the door. “Careful—” Loki gasped. “The dress—”

“Fuck the dress,” Thor growled, and Loki nearly punched him just for that. “Do you have any idea—any fucking idea—how  _ gorgeous  _ you look? How perfect? Bor’s breath, Loki.”

Loki went still. “You—you look lovely too,” he said, suddenly feeling shy. Thor’s admiration was raw and honest, an expression of what he felt. Loki trusted him, even though it hurt. Trusted that there were no ulterior motives to his compliments.

For a second—just for a split second, he thought Thor was going to kiss him just for that. Wanted it so much he felt like he was caving into it. Then Thor moved back, leaving Loki on the edge of tears. Except not. He hadn’t spent nearly ten minutes on eyeliner to cry it away.

“Ready to go?” Thor asked. Loki nodded.

 

*****

 

**_v._ **

They had to hurry back to their rooms, Thor’s fingers twined around Loki’s. “Thor,” Loki said breathily. “Thor, please,  _ take me _ .” He’d been waiting for this for  _ hours _ —they both had.

Thor made a raw sound in his throat, half growl, throwing open the doors and tugging Loki inside. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he snarled. But he was also pressing Loki against the wall as he said it, so Loki let it pass. Swallowed down the wave of intense heat that followed in the wake of Thor’s hands on his body, rucking up the skirt of the dress to grip his thighs and wrap them around Thor’s waist. Loki clung readily to Thor’s strength, letting himself be carried to their bed.

“Take the dress off first,” he said. “Please—it’s mother's—” he didn’t need to explain himself further before Thor was turning him over to unlace the bodice, fingers sure and gentle. He peeled the dress off of Loki, revealing him shuddering and scarred underneath. Loki shrank back instinctively, but Thor was apparently having none of it, because at once he reached for Loki’s shoulders, pressing him back into the bed. Loki sank into the sheets, almost grateful that Thor had taken the decision out of his hands.

“What should I do with you?” Thor said, shifting up to straddle Loki. His tented crotch was tantalisingly close to Loki’s wet cunt. “Fuck me,” Loki said immediately. That one was obvious.

Thor smiled wickedly. “Maybe afterwards, after I’m done eating you out.”

Loki went still. “Thor—we talked about this.  _ Please _ don’t make me.”

Thor brushed away a sweaty curl of hair from Loki’s forehead, and he closed his eyes again. “I’m not making you,” he said gently. “I’m giving this to you because I want to. You don’t have to do anything.”

“But—” but Thor was looking at him, gentle and patient, and Loki  _ wanted _ . He wanted to be given things he didn’t deserve. “Alright,” he whispered, shuddering. “Alright.”

“You know what to say to stop me,” Thor said, the way he always did at some point before they really dived. They both knew Loki wouldn’t say that, and that it would be on Thor to keep Loki from falling as fast and hard as he wanted to. Loki nodded anyway.

Thor dropped kisses down Loki’s body, sweeping his warm hands over Loki’s skin. He was kissing the scars, Loki realised dizzily. Kissing him, even if it was just skin, and then— _ oh _ —

Thor’s mouth was exceptionally talented, his beard perfectly rough against the tender skin, and Loki  _ knew _ that well—Thor had first practiced on him, after all. But this felt oddly novel, maybe because he hadn’t had it in years, Thor fucking him his tongue in preparation for his dick. And Thor was an absolute monster about it, refusing to even slow down when Loki’s cries reached their peak, dropping into the shuddering, shaky silence that meant he was close.

(He’d learn to muffle his orgasm with a nameless, brutal mercenary that Thanos had loaned him out to. The man had enjoyed making Loki come when he wanted anything but, and now, well. He didn’t want to think about it.)

He came with a soft gasp, spilling slick into Thor’s mouth. Grabbed blindly for Thor. “Kiss me,” he demanded. “Thor—” anything he could’ve said was cut off by a brutal kiss. It felt as much like getting fucked as Thor’s mouth on his cunt had, and he wanted it so badly. Was wet and aching for it and had been forever. “Thor,” he managed to gasp. “Thor, your dick, fuck me. Please.”

“Whatever you want, princess,” Thor growled, and if there had been anything in his cunt—anything at all, cock or fingers or even pressure, Loki would have come again. As it was he could barely hold back a moan, and stopped trying entirely when he felt the head of Thor’s cock brush against the hot-slick-aching of his hole.  _ Princess _ .

If Thor had been brutal before, he was unimaginably tender now. He still fucked Loki hard—Loki would not be satisfied with anything less, but he was touching Loki as he did, fingers pinching lightly at Loki’s nipples (sore and chafed by the bodice of the dress, since he didn’t have any chemises on the ship), thumbing at Loki’s mouth. Loki didn’t have words for it, could only beg shamelessly with his body for any bit of mercy Thor was willing to extend to him.

Loki no longer remembered what mercy felt like, though. Everything Thor said and did to him felt like a gift and a blessing.

Loki forced himself to clench down on Thor’s cock, trying to make this better for him—good. It hurt, he’d been fucked so many times in the past few days, but he couldn’t help loving it. And then Thor bent down to kiss his slack mouth again and this time it wasn’t deliberate at all, the way Loki tried to take Thor as deep within himself as could. And still Loki couldn’t relax, wanted desperately to make this as good for Thor as it was for him.

When Thor came inside him, Loki started to cry. Couldn’t help it, he was so overwhelmed by everything they’d done. Thor kissed him over and over, and Loki let him, tried to kiss back. “It’s so much,” he mumbled, trying to explain. “It’s like—like—” he was so tired.

Thor nodded into Loki’s sweat-damp skin. “I know,” he said. “Just relax, Loki. Try to rest. I have you.”

Loki gave in to the blackness, and to Thor.


End file.
